


(please tell me that) love is just a game

by milkbear (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Drunken Confessions, Kissing, M/M, rated M for mature content mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/milkbear
Summary: jaehyun doesn’t want a game over
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 110





	(please tell me that) love is just a game

love is just a simple game. 

and since it’s a game, jaehyun is determined to be the ultimate winner. 

like it’s a routine, the college student finds a new partner to spend the night with, makes false promises of meeting again, all washed down with copious amounts of alcohol — and the next night, the cycle continues yet again, jaehyun moved on from his previous partner, even if they’ve fallen completely and utterly in love with him and yearn to experience a night of rendezvous one more time. 

it’s the commitment he has issues with. it’s difficult, tiresome, binding — why would he need to tie himself down to one person when he could be in a state of euphoria, drunk and embraced by a stranger nightly? that’s what a winner would do — a winner at the game titled love.

it’s called “making love” and not “falling in love” for a reason. jaehyun fabricates, crafts fake love — pleasure — so expertly for someone and he receives some in turn. they have a great night and the next morning, they never see each other again. it’s so simple and harmless. both parties benefit. no real feelings are involved, after all, and what kind of winner would want that? games are won with wit, technique, skill and strategy, not passion.

true love isn’t something worth jaehyun’s time. it hurts and obstructs his path to victory, he knows. it stops him from completing his quests, those of love faking. it ruins his health status, strips him of his weapons and armory. 

jaehyun is hungover again when he wakes up in an unfamiliar bed. it’s sunday morning, he remembers, meaning he went wild with the drinks the night before. he’s wearing only his underwear; the cold air strikes him when he rises from bed. he reaches for his phone on the nightstand. 

_unknown1: Where were you last night?_

_unknown2: why didnt u call me :(_

_unknown3: i miss you already baby~ hmu again_

all of their numbers, jaehyun doesn’t recognize, so he ignores the notifications. he throws on his shirt, dresses in his pants, grabs his belongings, lazily steps into his shoes, and leaves. he needs his coffee.

morning is cold. he shivers and squints at signs telling him what street and city he’s in. not too far from his dorm, he sees. a half hour walk should suffice.

love is a game and jaehyun is on his way to be the winner. but recently, he’s been out of touch. 

it’s a face that appears on his partner’s — it happens occasionally but increasingly more so these days. it’s always the same face, the face of a person he knows well, the face of a person that he finds so endearing. and that’s the problem. 

jaehyun only knows impulsive, intoxicated one night stands as a method to forgetting said person. surely meeting and sharing intimate moments with so many people, so many new faces would drown out his endless thoughts about said person. 

it’s been months — maybe even a year — since they last met. his method of forgetting worked for most of that duration until now, when memories of him — the doe-like, large eyes that always seem to shimmer, a susceptibility to getting flustered and blushing, the wide gummy smiles that spill out whenever he giggles that charmed him so — are resurfacing at the worst time yet. they’re distracting, horribly distracting and threaten to ruin his quests. he can’t possibly let that happen, not if it means losing his gold, equipment, experience, prestige. he needs to be the winner of this game and genuine feelings are hindering him.

jaehyun kicks an empty beer can on the sidewalk, hands stuffed in pockets. he really needs to quit thinking about him and there’s only one way.

later that night at the local club, jaehyun sought out yet another night of mixed sweat and moans. somehow, a person he’d slept with before was there too and insisted they go for it again. jaehyun agreed blindly, alcohol coursing through his body. the person remembered jaehyun’s name clearly and mistakenly thought he did, too. the person thought they were a regular thing by now.

then jaehyun accidentally called him doyoung while in bed. 

it all happened in a blur to jaehyun — the expression morphing from shock to disgust, him being shoved off the bed and his face slapped, hard. jaehyun was kicked out right after, chilly night breeze and downpour adding insult to injury on the small cut bleeding on his cheek. and so now jaehyun is sitting on a park bench in the dark, cold, wet, pitifully alone. 

love is a merciless game — no matter the effort you make, one little mishap can turn everything around so easily, so quickly. and right now, jaehyun is a loser, stripped of all his status. a rookie stuck in the dragon’s lair, about to be eaten, chewed up, and swallowed in his guilt, regret, undeniable longing. 

“jaehyun?”

he looks up, glances to the side. someone is standing a short distance from the bench, umbrella and seven-eleven plastic bag in hand. the one lamppost next to the bench barely illuminates the person, but it’s enough for jaehyun to recognize the innocent curiosity on a deathly handsome face. 

“…it really is you! it’s me, doyoung. you remember me?”

he approaches jaehyun. noticing he doesn’t have an umbrella and is soaking wet, he holds the umbrella over him. it leans over in order to do that, which partially exposes the one with the umbrella to the heavy rain. they stare at each other in a mysteriously quiet moment. doyoung smiles a silly smile that skips a beat in jaehyun’s chest.

“you wanna come over? it doesn’t really look like you’re about to go home… you’ll catch a cold at this rate, too.”

“…i guess.”

doyoung extends a hand, offering it to the other who takes it with hesitance and stands up from the bench. doyoung refigures the way he holds the umbrella, switching it with his other hand so it’ll cover both himself and jaehyun. 

jaehyun gnaws on his lip. why does doyoung have to be so nice, so non-judgemental of the walking mess and poor excuse of a proper human being that is jung jaehyun? 

this is exactly why jaehyun is losing the love game. 

doyoung’s unconditional kindness is fatal. it burns through all of jaehyun’s armor (or whatever scraps he has of it left) and pierces his body like acid. doyoung’s cute looks and killer smile is why he’s losing. doyoung in all his goddamn perfection is why he’s losing. 

but who’s _really_ to blame?

when they get to doyoung’s place, an apartment room, doyoung hands a towel to jaehyun and points out the couch to him — that he can use for himself — and a blanket if he’s feeling chilly. doyoung tells him that he’ll make some quick omelettes for them to eat and warm up some leftover coffee he has in the fridge. doyoung, also noticing the cut on jaehyun’s cheek, tells him that he’ll clean and patch it up for him too.

the omelettes are finished and coffee is on the way. they sit on the couch, eating together, the tv switched on to an old drama.

“it’s been almost a year, huh?”

“yeah.”

doyoung smiles with a mouthful of food. jaehyun, glancing at him between small bites, doesn’t seem to be capable of doing anything better than not talking. 

“you’ve been drinking?” asks doyoung softly, looking down at his plate, though he knows the answer.

jaehyun’s hand freezes. 

“…is it that obvious?”

doyoung’s nose scrunches cutely. “your face, the smell, you sitting out there when it’s pouring… yeah.” he breathes deeply. his omelette is gone already. “i always thought you’d be the type to drink a lot. me, on the other hand, i can’t even handle one glass of wine.”

subtly, the edge of jaehyun’s lips curve upward into a grin but it’s terribly short-lived. he’s deep in his thoughts. 

it was during their senior year in high school when doyoung and his family suddenly moved to a faraway city. jaehyun and doyoung weren’t particularly close to each other and they never exchanged numbers or anything of the sort. doyoung didn’t seem to mind his separation from their old town much, but it hit jaehyun like he was a deer caught in the headlights.

jaehyun definitely had feelings for doyoung that accumulated and grew over the course of high school. he was more or so the type to admire him from afar, since the boy was constantly surrounded by other friends. whether doyoung was aware of this or not is unknown to jaehyun, but either way he was just as friendly to jaehyun as with anyone else. he had plans, actually, to eventually confess — a couple years were more than enough for him to feel as though he’d implode if he kept it all in forever — but he was reluctant. doyoung was so nice, caring, and gave an equal share of his love to jaehyun. but jaehyun realized this was as _friends_ and nothing else and it struck him — doyoung had people he cared about more, that he saw jaehyun as one of many friends he had, not a unique presence in his life. 

and that’s where it ended when doyoung moved away: jaehyun in love with doyoung and convinced that he’ll never get an answer for his feelings. this thought trapped him, consumed him, until he turned to physical pleasure in desperation to be free, to forget about doyoung, thinking he’d never see him again. and for a while, that made him a winner at love, right up to when doyoung suddenly reappears and disrupts jaehyun’s game of guilt and forget.

jaehyun swallows. maybe he should at least have a proper conversation with doyoung. maybe this is a chance to know why the hell he’s back and actually living in this town again. 

“so you moved back or something?”

doyoung nods. 

“i did, yeah. i got accepted to a university around here and, obviously, i wanted to see my friends. the city’s alright but i think i prefer this quiet old town more.” he gets up to put his empty plate and utensil in the sink. additionally, the coffee is heated so he pours it into a mug and returns, handing it to jaehyun. “are you still cold?”

“sort of…” mutters jaehyun. 

doyoung sits beside him on the couch and grabbing a cony the bunny blanket, he wraps it around the other’s shoulders. he looks at his finished work — a warmly wrapped jung jaehyun — and smiles proudly. it really has been a while since he saw jaehyun; he misses him a lot more than he realizes, now that he’s here feeding him and keeping him warm with a cute little blanket. but his face, a rueful and grim look in his eyes worries doyoung. studying his face reminds him about the cut on his cheek, so he excuses himself to fetch supplies. 

jaehyun carefully holds the mug with two hands, wrapping his palms around the ceramic. he blows on the drink gently and takes a long, satisfying sip. these things always feel stranger than usual when someone else prepares it for him — like the omelette, coffee and blanket over the shoulders. now that his mind crosses it, the last time a person’s ever done as much for him is, well, back when he and doyoung hung out in high school. 

jaehyun breathes slowly, deeply. he’s drunk and half his brain can’t function properly, but his heart is going crazy. doyoung. kim doyoung. doyoung. _doyoung is here, in the flesh. even better — i’m at his place. is this even real? am i passed out on that bench in reality?_

or maybe that’s just the alcohol and caffeine speaking. 

a minute or so later, doyoung returns. he sits next to jaehyun, who’s putting the mug down in preparation but tugging the blanket closer. doyoung has a folded piece of a paper towel, damp because it’s been dipped in water, and a bandaid in hand. 

“stay still, okay?” doyoung smiles apologetically, inching close to jaehyun’s drunk, pink face and tired gaze that nonetheless follows doyoung’s every movement. he reaches up and gently dabs the wet paper on his cheek, cleaning up half-dried blood. doyoung is dangerously close to jaehyun’s face, enough for their faint nose-breaths to land on each other’s skin. and his lips — god, why do they look so… soft? and why are they so pleasantly pink like jaehyun’s favorite fruit?

doyoung undoes the wrappings of the bandage and places it atop the cut on jaehyun’s cheek, pressing the tip of his finger with care to ensure it’s stuck on properly. he leans back, takes a gander at jaehyun, makes eye contact, and flashes him a smile.

“there. it doesn’t hurt, right?”

jaehyun’s gaze instantly darts away. “no. it doesn’t.”

“that’s good.” 

with a sigh, doyoung faces the television, crossing his legs on the cushions. his smile gradually fades away, thinking about how unenergetic jaehyun is (even if he’s drunk) and how… he isn’t the same jaehyun he knew a year ago. jaehyun was playful, liked to tease and mess around with his friends a lot. he never sulked or appeared so blank and empty around another person. 

doyoung sighs again — maybe it’s time to finally time to tell jaehyun something that’s been on his mind for a long while. 

he starts low. “er…” he rubs the back of his head sheepishly, eyes fixed on the television screen. “jaehyun, i —”

doyoung never finishes his thought because, suddenly, his back is pushed flat on the couch, the figure of jaehyun hovering above him and his hands next to his head, locking him in place, confusing and scaring him beyond words.

“j… jaehyun?”

doyoung’s eyes go wide. a teardrop falls on doyoung’s cheek. 

“love’s just a game, right?” glancing up at jaehyun (though some of his bangs are in the way) doyoung gets a full view of him with tears spilling and lips quivering. his mouth remains open slightly in shock at the foreign look of jaehyun crying. “if i’m defeated, i’ll be brought to the continue screen and i can replay until i win, won’t i?”

hiccups, gasps for air, sniffles, nonstop tears — doyoung is at a total loss for words. the two collectively are panting lightly — doyoung because he’s anxious, knowing _the_ jaehyun is upset enough to cry and jaehyun because he’s afraid that he’s currently ruining their prior friendship, but he _has_ to get his feelings out once and for all, otherwise he’d truly burst and god knows what would happen then.

“you, kim doyoung,” says jaehyun, slurring some of his pronunciation, sniffling, pressing his fingertip to doyoung’s chest. “i hate you, doyoung… i hate you so much. i hate you for making me like this.”

doyoung blinks, his heart dropping like an anchor in sea — _hate_? 

“i… don’t understand…”

jaehyun’s voice gets louder. “i hate how pretty you look with your glasses and stupidly long eyelashes… i hate how you laugh and giggle at — at everything i say, even if it’s lame as hell… i hate the way you sniff and scrunch your nose because of your stupid allergies or whatever and how — how cute it looks, like a little bunny…” another sniffle. “a — and most of all, i hate your stupid gummy smile you do when you’re happy, the one that — that makes me wish i could hug and kiss you for eternity and tell you how much i love you… yeah, doyoung, i hate you… stupid…”

doyoung waits for him to calm down first. jaehyun’s shoulders tremble slightly but, generally, he’s stopped crying. he can’t seem to bring himself to look directly at doyoung, though, and is glancing at his chest instead, pressing his lips together. 

a deep breath of determination — hands reach and grab jaehyun’s face, pulling him down, their bodies touching. doyoung places a kiss on jaehyun’s neck, a little shyly, perhaps experimental. between sniffs, jaehyun flicks his eyes towards doyoung’s in great perplexion. 

“wh… what?”

doyoung looks back at the other, blush spreading over his cheeks and nose. 

“well… you said you hate me, and, i mean…” doyoung pauses to take another shaky breath. “i like you, so… i don’t really want you to hate me… and i just thought that it would make you hate me less. …jaehyun, you look like a mess. here —”

lifting his arm — he’s wearing a plain hoodie — he makes a sweater paw and wipes away some of the tears near jaehyun’s eyes with the fabric. jaehyun, speechless, can only blink and do the occasional sniffle. 

_love is a merciless game — no matter the effort you make, one little mishap can turn everything around so easily, so quickly._

doyoung gazes at him fondly, even chuckling for a second with a crooked smile. 

“do you still hate me, jaehyun?” 

jaehyun remains frozen and unresponsive. so, logically, doyoung pulls in the other once again, this time for their lips to come in contact and touch. it’s slow, sweet, a tiny bit salty because of jaehyun’s tears (but that detail is overlooked), and just what jaehyun needed to comfort him, to halt his tears for good. their eyelids fall at the same time, jaehyun leans into the kiss and doyoung rubs his thumb along his cheek reassuringly, as if telling him _i’m here and i’m kissing you because i like you back._ doyoung’s lips are just as soft to the touch, squishing under the force of jaehyun like a mochi dessert, as he imagined them to be.

suddenly, it’s like jaehyun’s won once and for all — he’s conquered the game of love with a sealing kiss that tells him he’s loved, he has doyoung for himself, their fate’s been tied. love really is just a game after all — a game that can’t be beat with simple tactics and the swing of a sword. burying his ever strong feelings for doyoung was like jaehyun traveling the wrong path, and the momentary times of pleasure he sought, high on alcohol and lust, were a loop of endless enemies, pointless to be slain, telling him to _go back_ and _go the right way._

their lips break away from each other, though hesitantly because jaehyun would’ve wanted more. he digs his face into doyoung’s neck, arms wrapping around his neck, sounding like he’s about to cry again. 

“i missed you, doyoung, i wanted to see you so much… i’ve been doing so many stupid things because i tried to forget about you. i’m sorry, doyoung, i’m sorry that i’m such a mess. you deserve better than me.”

“hey.” doyoung plants a kiss on the other’s head. “it’s okay. i don’t mind that you’re a mess. you’re still jung jaehyun and that’s who i like.”

jaehyun glances up from doyoung’s neck. he keeps sniffing and wiping, not to mention his red nose (and face, actually, because he is still very much drunk) and exhausted gaze. they stare at one another, wordless, until jaehyun can’t hold himself back and steals another kiss from doyoung. this time it’s short but just as comforting as the first. doyoung wraps his arms around jaehyun’s torso as if he’s about to give him a great big hug. with the warmth and comfort doyoung provides him, jaehyun has no need for that blanket anymore. doyoung litters a couple more gentle kisses on jaehyun’s face, a gesture that makes him madly blush but lean into the touch anyways. 

in the end, they decide on nuzzling up against each other, jaehyun resting his face in the crook of doyoung’s neck and doyoung’s arms protectively embracing jaehyun. 

it’s game over, jaehyun thinks. but this game over screen is different from what he thought love would show him. it’s the happy ending. he’s defeated the villain once and for all, side by side with doyoung. and now the king and queen, the townspeople are all cheering for him, wishing him a happy, healthy life outside the game world. 

“you know, jaehyun… if love’s a game, then you can’t beat the game by yourself. you’d need support from other people to help you get there.”

jaehyun finally smiles. he laughs, in fact.

“then you’d be my healer, doyoung.”


End file.
